Ayvalik at night brings me back to 2010
Abstinance continues…
Ayvalik’in anasi bellenmis. Kapasitesinin 50 kat uzeri cer capul insan, Balikesir BSB’nin (aqp) plajlari rusvetle otellere peskes cekmesi, sahil seridinin ihale parasi ugruna yaz ortasinda restorasyon adi altinda taslastirilmasi, icinden gecilmesi vs… Gecmis olsun. Guzel ne varsa anasini s*kmeye devam, ulkede yasanilacak 5 karis toprak birakmayin, buna layiksiniz 💩👏🏻
Love like this when you do. Selfless.
I mentioned to my therapist about how shallow sex don’t excite me and she said “because for you having sex isn’t only a bodily thing like most people, it’s a way of communication and connection” —
Today, in memories… Apparently I’ve been passing through a similar period, 7 years ago too.
People who can’t stay alone are soo funny to me. Needing constant attention and affirmation 24/7 is just sad. Any kinda replacement that would get them the attention would be fine for them, no matter the quality, lol.
Better yourself and be enough for yourself would be my recommendation 👌🏼
5:00 a.m.
It’s been a while since I stayed up late ‘till 5 a.m… Wish it was for a pretty reason, but nah, just not slept and time slipped as it always does.
The only difference from weekdays is the fact that I’m not working tomorrow, so no need to wake up early, no plans, no-one to meet but myself. And myself can wait until noon when I wake up.
I’m in a passive phase. Mostly regarding dating scene. And I am kind of encouraging myself to stay passive and absence, for many many reasons.
It’s been 10 months since the break-up. I am managing okay with it all things considered, but realising bigger things about myself under its shade; like my dependency and craving for a partner figure in life.
And its tough, because anyone who’s single knows how it is out there. I am not the wild cat I was, still have disturbingly high libido but in sense of chasing pussycat, I don’t feel like chasing cheap thrills. Checking my archived posts, I really never was; but my drive and dependency put me into many shallow situations where I lost another small piece of hope of finding someone that I would click with.
Then something happened.
I didn’t think I would come across with someone that fits my mind so well, but our timelines were not right. Knowing this, by itself, was unlucky, and painful. And the easiest thing would be to fulfil your bodily desires; because it was beautiful, and fulfilling; not like the majority where it’s just meaningless, physical, mechanical bullshit; but a passionate one.
And after nutritious two weeks, due to life, and it’s whatever bullshit, poof, it was gone.
Look, it’s okay. In a way, I survive. Like a robot though, I feel the lack of personalisation, and missing intimacy and passion.
Anyway, time for me to try to sleep!
x
Avoided for so long, but I think i’ll get a cat if I let that feeling win, in couple of months. Avoided for not interfering with a life if I ended up going away and moving countries again, but I could get a cat that needs absolute rescue or that it wouldn’t survive, so not to feel guilt if I have to re-home it.
Started thinking about it again cause I need another living being in this small house.
Dreaming of freedom from the comfort of the cage I built myself.
The Tumblr OG
Sooo, I was checking some stuff on Tumblr, due to boredom (and nostalgia) - and figured that I have a Tumblr account since February 2011… That feels like 5 years ago but it actually is 12 years ago! That’s crazy talk…
And another realisation, I had almost close to none filters in my prior posts. Fully as the person as I was during years span and breakdown. Amazing discovery, it feels like looking back at your life from your mood and thought perspective, like a diary. And I just found a big diary to read. I always believed there are lessons and keys to our true self in our past selves.
And if I’m being true to myself, I have been living a numb way, for the past month and two. Practicing (or trying) abstinence on certain aspects of life, lost a great deal of enthusiasm of what comes next… next day, next week or month, years… idk.
Feeling a bit isolated, but this for some reason does not feel like it’s a mandatory isolation, I just don’t want to make any attempt. Just don’t feel like it. I could bug my friends to do whatever but it’s just not in me. I’d go to beach by not telling anyone most times, almost choosing isolation, but complaining about it too.
I don’t know, this post didn’t mean to go where it went just now. I guess I should write more as it felt like I had a lot of shit to get through my chest.
Q
Anonymous asked:
Will you be my valentine? (:
A
Yet another 6 years old reply… Lol, i’m horrible with keeping up with this.
Let’s analyze…. When this Q was sent, apparently “(:” was in hype.. Wow.. Sooo you’re probably already married and sorted, soo good luck w your life! :)
Q
Anonymous asked:
merhaba :)
A
5 sene sonra gelen yanit: Merhaba!